Feeling Defeated

I've started and stopped and deleted and restarted this post several times over the past few days; I've decided to just go with it and have it out there. I try to keep this place positive, creative, fresh, and welcoming but sometimes I am not feeling any of those things. Sometimes I still need an outlet (versus just not posting when I am not feeling it) to organize thoughts and process energy, even if it is negative energy


Things I've been feeling lately may include but are not limited to: drained, uncertain, afraid, self-doubt, defeated, exhausted, frustrated, worthless, etc. At this point, most of you probably have some idea of my current situation (to some degree). I've been unemployed awhile, and as much I wish I could magically make this blog, my crafts, my designs instantly and successfully into a career, I really need some sort of income. Which is fine, right? You can just go out and get a job, right?

Let me break it down for you. Yes, there are jobs out there — but the pool of candidates is so ridiculously saturated. I know that every time I throw my resume into the ring for a position that I am going up against hundreds of others with a huge range of backgrounds, ages, experiences, qualifications. So many people just want work (don't get me started on how awful the minimum wage is), and are working so hard to hopefully maybe get something. For most jobs I apply for I have to: redo my resume (tailor it specifically for that job posting), write a cover letter, freely give out any additional information, complete ridiculous questionnaires, complete skills tests, and I have even gone so far as creating mock-ups for companies (for a few design related positions I've applied for). Most businesses and companies specifically ask you to not come in to apply — it's all online now. And if you do get an opportunity to peek your head in somewhere, good luck actually getting to speak to the person in-charge of hiring (and if you do, you get maybe 5 minutes). All to never hear anything back.

I feel so defeated. I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore; I'm putting so much of myself forward just to never get answers from places — I have to nag and nag to ever get answers. I'm putting so much work into just trying to find any sort of employment that I have no energy left for things I enjoy. I've been having really low moments when all I can tell myself over and over again is that I have to stop thinking that I am ever going to be able to have a career I want. I have to stop believing that people that are hiring give any amount of shit about me. But, these moments can't last long. Because I know if I'm ever going to get a job I have to keep all of this up.

I guess, ultimately I feel frustrated because there is so much I want to do. I want to rebrand and relaunch this blog with more focus. I want to offer design and consultative services to other bloggers. I want to focus on my art and graphic design. I want to finally open my Etsy shop. I want to run my own business. Because I spend so much of my energy toward finding a job, I have little time to work on the things I am passionate about, things that could potentially be rather successful and rewarding. I know it all will take time, but right now I don't feel that I'm moving forward at all (or in any direction, for that matter).

How do you keep going when you feel like all the cards are stacked against you? How do you move past feeling defeated?


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Hope this week is treating you well.

xx Emorie