30 Days of Truth: Day 1 | Something You Hate About Yourself
Of all the prompts in the 30 Days of Truth challenge, this first one may actually be the most difficult for me. I wish it wasn't, but we're aiming for honesty here. And maybe this first one is the most important one then. Because I am my biggest critic and I shouldn't be.
If it were a bad day and I was asked to write a list of what I hate about myself, I'm afraid that list might be quite a bit longer than you would expect. My anxiety would be up near the top of that list, but I'd probably also include things like my shyness, my fears, silly mistakes I've made, my need for control, etc. If I was having an okay confidence day, I may just list my anxiety and leave it at that. But truthfully, the first scenario may be more common. And anxiety may be what's to blame, because it does eat away at me and make me even more critical. But I don't like simply blaming my anxiety for things and then just dismissing them by telling myself to learn to live with it. I'm frankly tired of using that mentality with myself and, in so doing, inevitably blocking my own growth.
So, I guess above all else, I hate how critical I am of myself. Being highly critical creates an infinite amount of self doubt. It keeps me from trying things from fear of failure. It allows for a false sense of entrapment to rule above everything else. It makes happiness a constant internal struggle.
Here's the thing, you don't have to have your life together at 22. You don't have to have your life together at 35. You don't have to ever have your life together. Because what else is life but messy? Whoever has everything together? Be okay with not knowing what is around the corner. You are allowed to make mistakes. It is perfectly okay to drop everything from time to time when you can't handle it anymore. You can start all over again just because you feel like it. You don't owe success or happiness to anyone but yourself, and you get to define what those mean to you.